Fatherhood: Ninja CLEP Test

This one could also be titled Adventures in Multi-Tasking, but that's not nearly as catchy. There's a specific incident I had in mind when I thought about this post. It was early in the days of the sprout coming home from the hospital, when the wife and I still held the belief that it's not possible to care for a child and do anything else. Anyone who can reflect back on that first 72 hours home with the kiddo knows exactly what I'm talking about.

Like most challenges, I entered this whole dad thing with the idea that rather than see what limitations parenthood posed, I would see exactly how much I could continue to do with kid in hand. This leads me back to the story I mentioned. So, early one morning while mom was sleeping or pumping, or perhaps sleep-pumping as she's known to do, I decided I needed a fantastic breakfast. My daughter had already decided that she would be a morning person, and showed little interest in a mid-morning siesta. Then there's the dog, with new-found issues of belonging and clinginess. There's the beginning of this ninja algebra: dog who needs attention, kid who refuses to sleep, and dad who really needs omelet.

Perhaps at this point the average person says "OK. One thing at a time." Not this guy. I blaze up the stove, scramble some eggs, chops up some delicious toppings, and we're on our way to breakfast heaven. Not so difficult, you say? Did I mention the cooking and food prep was all done with my right hand, the baby was in my left arm with a bottle propped against my chin (thank goodness for the butt chin), and I was rubbing the dog's belly with my right foot? Take that Mr. Sequential-Task-Undertaker!

In retrospect, I regret two things. The first is that no picture was taken of this event, which is truly a sad mistake. On the plus side, I can always deny my questionable parenting methods if they come under scrutiny. The second regret is that it was perhaps a dangerous endeavor in the first place. At the apex, I was balancing on just one foot while teetering, with kid in hand, over a hot stove with a spastic dog rolling around on the floor. Not the best technique, which is probably another reason a lack of photos is a good thing.